You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
