My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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