Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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