hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
