So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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