I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
