those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
