Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize