that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
