I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
