He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
