i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
