he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
