This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
