my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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