Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
