Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
