I think i sorta joined a cult last night
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
