but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
