In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
