The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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