the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
