i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize