her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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