I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
