Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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