I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
