if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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