All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
