he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
