The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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