Screwed.edu
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
