Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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