I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
