Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
