I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
