the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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