Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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