I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
