Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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