I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize