Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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