The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
