Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
