I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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