overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
