if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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