its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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