i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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