so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize