It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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