feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just pee around me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
