i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
