i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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