Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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