"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
