Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
