I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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