i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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