So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
