so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
