i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
