Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
