i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
