OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
