Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
kristin has been a bad kristin
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
