So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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