Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
