I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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