Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
