All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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