I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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