no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
God, I missed his penis.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
