i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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