the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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