Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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