i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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