Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
