Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
