Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
